Monday, February 9, 2015

The Last Hurdle

Tomorrow - Our last “hurdle” or bump in the Road visit to high risk
It's silly really when I think about it....there are so many people who have living children who are sick, or have gotten bad news in earlier visits where we have gotten good....and I am sick for those people, I  pray for those people, and I worry for those people. But today, when I say it is silly I am meaning myself and the worrying I am allowing to take over on days before our appointments.

I have been thankful for the busy weekend that we have had, where I didn't have down time to think. I have been busy all day behind the computer catching up on work that needed some last minute things done.......but I am sick today. The worst morning sickness feeling I have ever had. And I am pretty sure I know why.

Drum roll please.......the damn waiting.

Even though I haven't cried today with worry, nor have I really spoken of tomorrow it is still chiming in the back of my mind. And that is why I said it is silly when I think about how even though it isn't on the front burner it is making me utterly sick. And that is silly.

I should be my trust in the fact that whatever happen tomorrow that is will possibly be a an easy fix once she is here or it make fix itself. But the waiting is killer.

I am 21 weeks and two days. By this point with Mayson I was feeling a lot more active movement.....which I would be lying if I said didn't worry me. Talked to both my Doctor and Nurse Practitioner who have told me it is normal sometimes with second pregnancies even though the norm is the mother feels them earlier and more because they know that feeling.

She must have known I was worrying because last night she gave some visible movement several times before I went to bed.....and instead of PURE joy of seeing that I am sighing a big breath of PURE relief.

I was also bigger with my first pregnancy by this point.

I do weekly baby bump photos with her whereas I did bi-weekly with Mayson. At the end of my pregnancy with Mayson I did weekly photos, but it is different this go round because we are sharing them with him so he can better understand her size and why she can't come "right now."

While this updating has been fun it has also made me realize I am not growing like I thought I would with her.

You hear from EVERYONE that you grow much faster with your second and I have answered over a handful of times "are you sure you are that far along" and while some would be joyous of not gaining a lot and not poking out BUT........with me I am just ready to make sure she is growing on track being that I am not growing like I always thought I would.

I know, I know.....I am placing worry on probably nothing. And trust me when I say I am thankful thus far to have received good news and I know how blessed we truly are.

Like I have said from the start no matter what the outcome is we know she will be perfect.

This waiting sure does bring the devil's worries though.

With all that being said we can't wait until tomorrow and to give an update!

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